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Old 30-06-08
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Talking Tourist Prayer

This made a laugh. Our Tour Guide read it to us on a recent trip to Croatia, with Saga.


Oh Heavenly Father,
Look down on us, your humble, obedient tourist servants,
Who are doomed to travel this world taking photographs,
Mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking about in drip-dry underwear.

We beseech you, Oh Lord, to see that our plane is not hijacked,
Our luggage is not lost and that our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.

Protect us from surly and unscrupulous taxi-men,
Avaricious porters and unlicensed English-speaking Guides.

Give us this day divine guidance in the selection of our hotels,
That we may find our reservations honoured,
Our rooms made up and hot water running from the faucets (if at all possible).

We pray that you make the telephone work and that operators speak our tongue
And that there is no mail waiting for us from our children,
Which forces us to cancel the rest of our trip.

Lead us, Oh Lord, to good, inexpensive restaurants,
Where the food is superb, the waiters are friendly
And the wine, included in the meal price.

Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we donít understand.
Forgive us for undertipping out of ignorance
Or overtipping out of fear.

Grant us the strength to visit the museums and cathedrals,
Palaces and castles listed as musts in the guidebooks
And if perchance we skip a historical monument to take a nap after lunch,
Have mercy on us, for our flesh is weak.

Dear Lord, keep our wives from shopping sprees
And protect them from bargains they do not need or cannot afford.
Lead them not into temptation, because they know not what they do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us.
Save them from making fools of themselves in the nightclubs and cafes
And above all, please do not forgive them their trespasses, for they know exactly, what they do!

And when our voyage is over and we return to our loved ones,
Grant us the favour of finding someone who will look into the movies we took
And listen to the stories of our adventures,
So our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.

This we ask you in the name of Conrad Hilton, American express and Saga Holidays.


By Art Buckwald
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Old 01-07-08
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Re: Tourist Prayer

Thank you Audrey for sharing that - very funny. Big hand to Art Buckwald who penned it (?)
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